


Getting Braver

by InquiryFoxtrot



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Anxious Hinata Shouyou, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Sibling Love, everyone is in a relationship, except for hinata, haha our son is in pain, hinata really loves natsu, i want to die, they're all gay and happy, yall ready for a feels trip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-10-04 09:45:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10274051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InquiryFoxtrot/pseuds/InquiryFoxtrot
Summary: Hinata Shouyou had been scared for a very long time, of *him*, of what other people thought, of himself even. But Hinata is finding that with the help of those close to him he's getting braver again.





	1. Prologue Part 1

Hinata Shouyou’s hands shook violently as he dialed the phone and held it up to his ear. Its ring seeming twenty times louder than it actually was, echoing in the quiet of the room, after the third ring the operator answered it with a click.

“This is 110 what’s your emergency?” The female operator said, Shouyou quickly turned his head to make sure  _ he _ wasn’t near him. His lip trembled at the thought of what  _ he  _ would do if  _ he _ caught Shouyou, it was almost enough for him to hang up then and there. Almost. “Hello?” the woman asked.

“Yes, hello?” Shouyou squeaked, his voice shooting up an octave in fear. “I’m Hinata Shouyou, you got a call from me last week about domestic violence at my home.  _ He’s _ back and _ he’s _ really mad. I think _ he’s _ going after my sister. She’s only four years old, I don’t know what to do.” Shouyou whispered harshly, his voice cracking near the end, and forced himself to take deep breaths, his sister wouldn’t get help if he had a panic attack now. Natsu was the only thing that kept the phone pressed to Shouyou’s ear. 

If he didn’t tell someone, Natsu would get hurt. Shouyou had been repeated that to himself over and over again for the last five years, hoping to finally get the courage to actually do something. However, he never could and he hated himself for that. He hated that he was so useless he couldn’t even protect the most important thing in the world to him. What he hated even more was that it took Natsu getting in danger for Shouyou to suck it up and do something. Shouyou clenched his fist, even if it was late, he was doing something now. He was going to get Natsu out of here and then she would finally be safe. 

“Okay then Shouyou,” The lady said, breaking Shouyou from his train of thought. “I brought up your last call and reported this one, the police are on their way. Just in case, I need you to stay on the line with me until they get there. You can do that right?” Waves of fear washed over Shouyou before curdling at the pit of his stomach. If Shouyou stayed on the line the chances of _ him _ finding him skyrocketed, if  _ he _ found him Shouyou might as well be counted as dead, but this was all for Natsu. If  _ he  _ killed him and his sister got out it would all be okay. Shouyou swallowed the bile that had collected in his throat. 

“Yes,” He managed to squeak. “I can.”

“Okay that’s great Shouyou, that’s great.” The woman sighed in relief. “Remember Shouyou, it’s just you and me, no one can hurt you okay? Help is coming.”

“Ok.” Shouyou could barely raise his voice above a whisper.

““How about we get to know each other while we’re here? My name is Kozume Meiko but you can just call me Mei.” Mei said, hoping to distract the frightened child. “So how old are you Shouyou?”

“Twelve.” Mei’s heart twisted every time the boy spoke. He sounded so frightened, so small.

“Really? Are you in junior high then?”

“Yes, first year. Though I don’t have as many friends as I thought I would, they all think I’m weird since I like volleyball and I’ve got dyslexia. It’s not a girl’s sport you know! Volleyball, I mean, a lot of really cool and buff guys in high schools play volleyball, I even saw a guy who was short, like me, playing!” 

“That’s sounds fun Shouyou, but Tokyo is a big city, not everyone is so mean! My son actually plays volleyball with his friend, maybe you can play with him one day!” Mei said.

“Yeah maybe,” Shouyou said, all of a sudden speaking quite softly. “If I live that long.”

“Hey! You mentioned your sister earlier, do you like her?” Mei questioned quickly, trying to distract the boy. 

“Like her!? Who do you take me for?” Shouyou cried out louder than he expected to, earning a loud rumble from  _ him _ , he paused for a moment to make sure  _ he _ wasn’t coming before speaking again. “I love her more than anything in the world. She’s the reason I called in the first place, I’d do anything for her. I’d die for Natsu if  _ he  _ tried to hurt her.” Mei’s eyes widened, she had never seen someone be so willing to die for another, even family. Whatever had happened in that house that made Shouyou feel like this…. Shivers ran down Meiko’s spine just thinking about it.

“SHOUYOU!” A loud male voice boomed from the other side of the house, causing Shouyou to freeze in terror. “WHERE ARE YOU? GET YOUR STINKIN’ ASS OVER HERE!” The man called, his words slurring together in a mixture of alcohol and anger. 

“Mei, what do I do?” Shouyou whispered frantically, his voice shaking. 

“Just stay here Shouyou. It don't be long now.” Mei said calmly, trying to hide her own worry for the child. “But I do need you to go hide for me. Somewhere small, somewhere he won't think to look.”

Shouyou squeaked out a response and looked around, there wasn’t much he could hide in, the living room was small, humid and smelled pungently of sweat and blood. There was a couch in the center of the room with a small coffee table in front of it that faced their old box television. A few paintings hung around the room, mostly to cover holes  _ he _ had punched in them but to also distract others from the peeling beige wallpaper. It was the corner of the room, however, that caught Shouyou’s eye. A small lamp table sat in it, a decently sized cabinet on the bottom of it. It would be a tight fit but Shouyou was abnormally small for his age anyway.

Taking the house phone with him he squeezed his small frame into the cabinet and shut it tight. His already bruised limbs pressed against each other at odd angles, causing him to whimper slightly.

“Shouyou!?” Mei called out. She must’ve heard his whimper. “Are you alright?” She questioned hastily.

“I’m fine, I’m hiding in a cabinet and I just hit my arm wrong.” Shouyou assured her. Mei furrowed her brows, a twelve year old boy fitting in a cabinet? She suppressed the urge to ask him about it. 

“Shouyou, these next few minutes are very important okay? I’m going to stop talking to you but I can hear you breathing so I know you’re there. I’m not going to end this call until I know that you and your family are safe and away from that man you hear me? I’ll be right here. Exhale once if you understand.” Shouyou felt tears spring in his eyes at Mei’s words and gave one short exhale. “Good, now you need to just wait here until the police arrive but if you ever think you’re in danger or if  _ he _ ever comes in this room exhale three times okay?” Mei felt a slight stinging sensation in her hand. She looked down and saw a bit of red leaking out of her finger, she hadn’t realized she had been gripping her desk so hard. She relaxed a little when she heard that one sharp exhale of air. 

Forcing herself to calm she focused on Shouyou’s breathing and waited. 

It wasn’t even 30 seconds later when the thumps of heavy footsteps made their way into Shouyou’s living room. Panicking, he sent three inhales through the phone as his heart pounded in his chest. 

“Just be completely still Shouyou, don’t make a sound.” Mei whispered and Shouyou pressed himself as far back into the cabinet as he could. All he could hear was the sound of his heartbeat, threatening to pound right out of his chest, his own breathing and  _ his _ footsteps which only seemed to creep closer, and closer, and closer. 

Shouyou held his breath, squeezing his eyes shut in terror. Nothing happened, for a full minute it was completely silent. Shouyou let out the breath he had been holding and relaxed slightly-

The door to the cabinet whipped open with such force that Shouyou screamed. He felt himself being yanked out by his shirt as  _ he  _ glared at him, looking like he would actually kill the child. 

“Shouyou? Shouyou!? Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Mei’s voice wafted through the phone.  _ His  _ eyes went black and for the first time since _ he _ had started doing this Shouyou actually thought he was going to die.

“You called the cops?” He said, his voice oddly quiet. “You called the fucking cops on me? After everything I’ve done for you and this family this, _ this, _ is how you repay me? YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE SHIT I’LL KILL YOU!” He roared and gave Shouyou one powerful punch to his cheek, leaving him dazed and in shock, Mei could vaguely be heard screaming into the phone but Shouyou wasn’t focusing on her. Shouyou’s eyes widened as he came to his senses, he thought it was his nerves but _ he _ wasn’t kidding,  _ he _ was actually going to kill him, Shouyou was only twelve and he was going to die.

But, funnily enough, part of him was okay with that. Shouyou remembered once, when he was maybe 5 years old, before Natsu was born and before  _ he _ started hurting Shouyou, his grandpa on his mother’s side passed away. His mother had been very close with him and she had been a mess so his young mind had decided to try and cheer her up, in retrospect he probably should have left her alone to grieve but five year olds don’t really have a grasp of that concept yet. When Shouyou had asked what was wrong his mom had given him a sad smile. 

“I just wish he was still here.”

“Why, is death bad? Is it scary?” He had questioned, this topic being new and frightening. 

“No!” His mother had answered quickly. “Death isn’t scary or bad, it’s a natural part of life. I like to believe death is quite peaceful actually. I really do think that you’re in a better place when you die, I just miss him I guess… But don’t you go dying on me! You’re going to live twice as long as I will you hear me young man? Promise?” He had nodded seriously and his mother grinned, tickling him playfully.

Shouyou smiled at the memory- peace. He hadn’t felt that emotion in gods know how long. Now, he might actually feel that again, one last time. 

He stared back at those black eyes, the ones that had terrorized him for so long. There was no way Shouyou was going to let him win, defiantly he spit in _ his _ face, a small amount of his blood landing on the man’s face as well. Shouyou was going to die, he had accepted that fact, probably earlier than he thought, but  _ he _ wasn’t going to win. No matter what, Shouyou wouldn’t let himself get afraid, he wouldn’t cry he wouldn’t let himself scream, not even once.

So _ rry mom _ , he thought with a smirk, _ guess I won't be keeping a promise this time. _

And that’s how Hinata Shouyou, limbs shaking violently and blood streaming down his face, was able to keep smiling until the very end.


	2. Totally not a prank bro

"And that guys, is how I died," Hinata Shouyou said as he leaned back against the grassy hills of purgatory, wincing at the memory.

"What about your friends, you know, Kageyama and Kenma and the rest of the team?" asked a reader, brows furrowing in confusion.

"That's a parallel universe my friend, you see the entire point of this story is to-" Shouyou's voice was muffled by a loud beep, due to te author's desire not to give away their entire plot. "But maybe things could have turned out differently... If only." He sighed.

"What are you going to do then?" Asked another reader, getting the feeling that was getting a bit too deep for a prank and, in all honesty, so was the author.

"Wait," He said. "This isn't how the author really wants the story in the universe to end so they'll probably go back and rewrite what happens to me and I will fade away." From the behind the fourth wall the author nodded and gave Shouyou a thumbs up.

"It was nice I guess, while it lasted," Shouyou sighed as his skin began to turn translucent. "So soon, Jesus Christ, could've warned me you know!" He yelled up where the author grinned cheekily down at him. The readers around him began to fade too.

"Yo what the fuck!" One of them cried.

"Sorry, you are the reader from another ending so now you don't exist, it's okay though, you'll merely return to where the story left off and it will all be like nothing happened. Tata y'all!" The author called and picked up their laptop, scribbling away at the next chapter. "Shiiiiiiit, I've got homework." They groaned and looked up, as the others finally faded and the author reappeared back in their room. "I really need to stop procrastinating."

-The End-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha look at me playing petty April fools jokes. Anyway, new chapter coming soon, hang tight y'all!


	3. Prologue Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mei makes a deal and Shouyou gets a new start

Kozume Meiko felt sick to her stomach. She had been staring at the small boy through the window of his hospital room in the ICU for hours now.  _ His _ screams echoed in Mei’s mind, haunting her of her mistakes. God, he was so small, the blankets he was under seemed to bury him and the numerous machines he was hooked up to dwarfed him even further. Mei couldn’t help but think it was her fault the boy was here, if she had just done something,  _ anything _ , then Shouyou wouldn’t be in the hospital, barely clinging to life while Mei was a phone line away, unable to do anything. All she could do was listen as  _ he  _ almost beat Shouyou to death, the police only minutes from his house. 

Mei quietly tip toed into the room, shutting the door behind her, and sat down. Next to her were two other people, a little redheaded girl and what looked like her mother.

“Are you Natsu?” Mei asked tentatively, causing the girl to glance up. She nodded silently. “Shouyou said a lot about you, you know. He said you were amazing and that he loved you very much.” Mei said with a sad smile and glanced back up at Shouyou. Natsu grinned.

“I love Sho bro too!” She exclaimed and her mother gave a watery smile. The opening of the door sent everyone’s eyes shooting up to see who it was. A petite woman with cropped black hair in dark blue scrubs and a clipboard sauntered in.

“Mrs. Hinata?” She asked and Natsu’s mother stood up, her arms squeezed close to her chest. The doctor held out her hand. “I’m Dr. Otsuka, head of the pediatrics department, I’m in charge of Shouyou’s case. Now I know it looks scary but Shouyou’s condition isn’t as bad as it seems. One of his ribs had poked a hole into his left lung and there was an old fracture that was infected but that was the worst of it and we patched the hole in surgery and put Shouyou on some antibiotics. He’s still going to need a lot of time to recover, three of his ribs are bruised, two are cracked, he’s got multiple fractures and breaks, and he’s been severely malnourished.” 

Mrs. Hinata stumbled back. “Oh my-” She breathed, gripping the arm of her chair for balance. “He-he’ll be okay right?” She whispered and Mei could tell she was holding back tears.

“Physically, yes, he should be fine,” Dr. Otsuka said, glancing at the boy’s bed. “But mentally and emotionally? He’ll need therapy, you all will.” Mrs. Hinata nods and the doctor places a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Okay,” She whispered. “Okay. Can you, um, can you go. I- I just need some time alone right now.” She sat down and gripped Natsu’s hand. The doctor nodded.

“Of course, a nurse will be by later to check up on him,” Dr. Otsuka said gently and left. 

Mei stood awkwardly. “I can leave too if you want.” She said and stepped back towards the door. 

“No it's fine, I- I kind of need someone to talk to right now anyway,” Mrs. Hinata whispered and rubbed her arms. “Natsu, Sweetie? How about you ask one of the nurses to take you to the cafeteria okay? Grab a snack for yourself.” She fished a couple coins out of her bag and gave them to the child. Natsu grabbed the money and turned to go, she paused. 

“Is Sho bro okay mommy?” She asked tentatively and her mother pulled her into a hug. 

“I don't know honey, I really don't know,” She squeezed her daughter and a tear slipped out the corner of her eye. She sniffed. “Now you go find a nurse while mommy talks alright?” 

The little girl nodded and ran off, leaving Mei and Hinata Haru alone.

“God you must think I’m a terrible mother.” Haru said and leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes.

“No, of course not-” Mei tried to say but was cut off by Haru’s hand.

“Don’t pretend, I know you do, everyone does. I mean what kind of mother lets  _ this _ happen to their child.” She said and opened her eyes, gesturing towards Shouyou’s bed. Haru has a point though, Meiko was lucky enough that she couldn’t think of a situation where she would have to let that happen to Kenma.

“I don’t want to seem rude,” Mei started. “But, why did you let this happen for so long.”

“See hun, now we’re asking the right questions,” Haru laughed bitterly. “I’m a college dropout who married her high school sweetheart. I don’t have a job or credentials or anything, even if I could get a job, Sora wouldn’t let me, he barely let me out of the house. He threatened to hurt Shouyou if I did, but it turns out he hurt my baby anyway. If I had left we would have been on the street, at least in that house I could try to protect them, instead of leaving my children to fend for themselves on a curb.” Haru put her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs. 

“Why didn’t you just call the police?” Meiko asked tentatively and Haru gave her a glare.

“Oh you know how the domestic violence laws in this goddamn country are!” She spat out viciously. Mei took a step back. “Now they’re going to take my babies away from me.” She cried and broke down again.

“What if I helped you get back on your feet,” Mei blurted out and Haru looked up. “I can give a bit of money every month for rent and other stuff while you look for a job and go to school, just until you can support them on your own.” Haru stared at Meiko in disbelief.

“I-I can’t do that, don’t you have your own family you need to take care of?” She spluttered, her eyes wide.

“Honey, I’m a doctor and my wife is a CEO, we’ve got the money,” She said and laughed softly. 

“B-But I don’t think I’ll b-be able to repay you,” Haru protested and stood up. 

“You don’t need to pay me back in money, just let me help you help Shouyou. A friend of mine is a great therapist and my son is around Shouyou’s age if they wanted to talk.” She said and smiled. “Letting me stay in Shouyou’s life is payment enough, he’s a good kid and he’ll need all the help he can get.” Haru was silent, she stared at Mei for what seemed like forever before bursting into tears and leaping in Mei’s arms.

“Thank you, thank you so much,” She sobbed into Meiko’s shoulder, her fiery red hair tickling Mei’s face. Mei rubbed her back comfortingly.

“No problem dear, it’ll be okay, everything is going to be okay.” Mei whispered as Haru gathered herself. 

“You know, you’re doing all this stuff for me but I don’t even know your name,” She laughed, her cheeks still shining with tears. 

“My name is Kozume Meiko but you can just call me Mei.”

o0o

The next time someone asked Hinata Shouyou if he was “okay” he was going to scream. It seemed like the only thing people could say to him anymore. His mom, Natsu, Me,; his doctors, his nurse, Sakura, even Kenma and Tetsurou treated him like he was a piece of glass that would shatter at any minute.

He got where they were coming from, he went through a “traumatic ordeal,” as his doctors say, and he was in no sense of the word okay. But he could have a normal conversation without falling apart. His asshole of a father was in jail and  _ he _ was still hurting Shouyou.

But it was worse when Kenma treated him like that. He thought they understood each other, that they both had their issues and they wouldn’t treat each other differently and Shouyou never did that to Kenma. He never him differently because of his anxiety, never bothered him when he was feeling sad, but the  _ moment _ it seemed like Shouyou wasn’t doing 100% fine Kenma acted like he was walking on glass around Sho.

He was still grateful for Kenma, and Tetsurou too, as much as he hated how fragile they thought he was at least he had friends. Not many kids were that lucky, especially kids in his situation. He should talk to them, try and resolve it before it starts to take a toll and their friendship. At least, that’s what Ms. Kuroo, his therapist, said he should do. But, like most kids with abandonment issues and irrational fears about what others thought of him, the chances of him actually listening to the medical professional who’s trying to help him are very slim. He rolled over on Kenma’s couch and sighed. He really couldn’t wait to be out of this city.

His mom was trying to find a small home outside of Tokyo, a way to start over she says, and Shouyou could not be more excited. Granted, he’d still come back for some routine checkups, therapy sessions, and visits to Mei and his friends, plus he promised nurse Sakura he’d visit her, but soon enough he’d never have to see that school again, the one that made everyday a living hell, never see that house again, the one that made that hell a reality, never see the newspaper headlines shouting his abuse to the world, like he was just something for the journalists to study. He’d never have to be reminded of what happened to him in this city again, and the thought of that made Shouyou feel lighter than air.

They finally move a couple weeks later. Everyone was there when they boarded the train, Mei, Kenma, Tetsurou, Sakura, Ms. Kuroo, everyone who helped him get here. 

Nurse Sakura pulled him into a big hug. “You’ll do great over there kiddo, I’ll miss you!” 

“I’ll see you when I come back for my checkups though… Ooh, ow ow you’re crushing me, you’re crushing me.” He replied with a yelp.

Ms. Kuroo put a hand on his shoulder. “Have fun, I’ll see you next week.” Shouyou nodded.

Mei hugged him so tight it felt like his eyes would bulge out of their sockets. She kissed his forehead. “You make sure to visit me all the time buddy! Have fun in Miyagi!”

Kuroo held out his hand for a fist bump and grinned. “See ya around my man.”

Finally, he lightly touched his forehead to Kenma’s. It was their thing, neither of them were very touchy feely people so touching foreheads was their way of being intimate without really touching.

“See you around,” was all Kenma said but they both knew it meant so much more. 

Shouyou had tears streaming down his face as he boarded the train. Everyone on the platform was waving and smiling as it pulled out of the station.

“Bye everyone!” He called out the window. “I’ll miss you!!” Shouyou smiled, even though everything had been against and everything had wanted him to give up and die, in this moment, surrounded by the people he loved, waving goodbye to the people who helped, Hinata Shouyou had never felt more alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that one time I said I wanted to put out a chapter a week? Haha that was a lie, I'm sorry, things are just really busy. I'll try for twice a month updates instead, kapeish?


	4. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Shouyou goes to therapy and gets some not so pleasant news.

He wasn't even ten minutes into his therapy session and Hinata Shouyou was already feeling like shit. Which was odd because normally he didn't start feeling like a pile of human garbage until at least twenty minutes in. This was because his sessions normally followed a routine, to make sure his suffering, like Ms. Kuroo's endless piles of paperwork, stayed neat organized and very looooooooong. 

 

The first twenty minutes were about Shouyou’s present life, what he had been feeling since their last session and ways to help himself work through bad thoughts. He liked that part, he liked actually knowing how to help himself when no one else was around. After that things very quickly went to shit. Then Ms. Kuroo had him talk about  _ him. _

 

Shouyou  _ hated _ that part. Therapy was supposed to help him not send him right back to where Shouyou had spent the worst six years of his life. He knew it was good in the long run, talking about it with Ms. Kuroo had been helping over the years but that didn’t stop him from hating it in the present.

 

The final twenty minutes was Shouyou’s favorite part. Ms. Kuroo always let Shouyou use different form of therapy while they talked about Shouyou’s plans for the coming week. Soe weeks he’d do music therapy, other times he’d write, etc. Art therapy was his favorite though, he had never been good would with words, normally expression his emotions through different screams, so being able to just pick up a paintbrush and paint what he was feeling was amazing. He started painting at home too, having something to channel his energy into when he wasn’t at practice was great for his anxiety, Ms. Kuroo thought so too. He also thought that he was getting pretty darn good at it too.

 

On his birthday and other special occasions Ms. Kuroo also brought in therapy dogs. That was probably the only thing Shouyou liked better than art therapy. Just feeling of safety and comfort he got from spending time with the therapy dogs left him with a warm fuzzy feeling that bloomed in his chest. He had asked his mother for a dog before but they hadn’t had the money at the time.

 

But back to the present. Shouyou should’ve known something was about to go wrong, when he had walked into Ms. Kuroo’s office and saw the small therapy dog with white curls sitting on the couch. 

 

“Afternoon Sho,” She had said and smiled, her reading glasses sitting on the tip of her nose. Shouyou’s face lit up when he saw the dog and he waved absentmindedly to his therapist as he scurried to the animal.

 

“When did this cutie come in?” Sho asked and excitedly rubbed the dog’s stomach. “It’s not any special occasion.” Ms. Kuroo only smiled.

 

“Well, I’ve been talking it over with some colleagues of mine and I decided a therapy dog would be good for you,” She said, shuffling some papers on her desk. Shouyou beamed. 

 

“You mean he’s mine?” He asked excitedly.

 

“She.” Ms. Kuroo responded and Shouyou quickly correctly himself. “Her name is Yuki.” 

 

“Hello Yuki, it’s nice to meet you, I’m Shouyou,” He said and nuzzled his nose to Yuki’s face. Ms. Kuroo smiled fondly at the two and pulled out a file from her desk drawer. 

 

“Let’s get started then, how has your anxiety been? Anything happen since our last session?” She asked and Shouyou shook his head, which, to be honest, surprised him. Since  _ he  _ was arrested Sho was left with crippling anxiety, and, as much as he loved being on the Karasuno team, a bunch of angry, rowdy teenage boys did not help. Normally he’d have panic or anxiety attacks almost everyday. The team knew of course but Sho played it as a much more trivial matter than it is.

 

“I almost had an anxiety attack yesterday after practice but I calmed myself down,” He said while subconsciously scratching Yuki’s head. “Those exercises really helped!”

 

“That’s good,” Ms. Kuroo said. “But why were you anxious in the first place?” Sho shrugged.

 

“We were in the changing room and Kageyama pointed out one of my scars, he asked where it was from. I said it was nothing but he kept badgering me to tell him, I said it was from a kitchen accident when I was younger,” Sho said and fiddled with the hem of his shirt. He didn’t  _ really _ lie to Kageyama about the scar, it was from a kitchen accident, he just didn’t mention it was  _ him _ who had cut Shouyou. “I was just pretty anxious in general after that and it just sort of kept building during practice until it was way too much to handle, but I calmed myself down! I went back to the changing room and I tried some of the exercises you told me about and it worked!” Shouyou said happily, which made Yuki start wagging her tail.

 

“I’m glad the exercises are working for you!” Ms. Kuroo exclaimed and picked up her Notepad. His previous happiness drained faster than water in a shower drain as dread curdled in the pit of Shouyou’s stomach. She rarely used that Notepad. Ms. Kuroo only used it when she was going to bring up “important” things, like when Shouyou had to testified at  _ his _ trial, or when the doctors thought Shouyou wouldn’t be able to walk right anymore, or any other traumatic event that had happened to him. Bottom line is, that Notepad always brought bad news. “About your team… have you thought about opening up to them?”

 

Shouyou froze, there was the inevitable Notepad Event. “No, why?” Sho asked hesitantly, taking his hand off Yuki’s back.

 

“Well, you’ve made so much progress with me and I think it’d be good for you to talk with people who weren’t me,” She said slowly, trying to find the right way to say ‘haha you thought you were getting better well fuck you time to open up bitch.’ Shouyou frowned.

 

“I talk to Kuroo and Kenma, isn’t that enough?” He asked, he hated talking about his past, it made him anxious and the thought of having a panic attack or a flashback in front of his team sent waves of nausea through him.

 

“Let’s be honest here Sho,” Ms. Kuroo said with a raised brow. “You only talk to them because you have too right?” This was true, but Shouyou didn’t have to let her know.

 

“No,” He said and Ms. Kuroo gave him the ‘don’t you dare lie to me young man’ look. “Ok maybe.” He relented.

 

“I want you to open up about what happened to you on your own accord. You don’t have to if you’re not ready, after all you know you best, but I think you are.” She paused. “Of course, you know that reliving those years are going to cause many more bad days, hence getting you Yuki, but in the long run I feel this will be really good for you.” Shouyou had an inkling feeling she was right but, again, she didn’t have to know that.

 

“I’ll… talk it over with Kenma after the session okay?” He compromised. “I’ll let you know how I feel next session.” Ms. Kuroo nodded, Shouyou guessed she hadn’t expected him to give so easily. In all honesty Sho wasn’t sure either, sure it was giving him curdling anxiety just thinking about it but he was still oddly okay with it. He blamed it, like most other things, on the sleep deprivation.

 

Ms. Kuroo was easy on him the rest of the session, they were only about twenty minutes in but his therapist let him spend the whole time painting or playing with Yuki while calming music played in the background, which was the biggest relief he’d felt in years. 

 

**We pause your regularly scheduled angsty fanfiction with an important message from your author:**

 

**A word of discretion before we continue Shouyou’s story: Like most people Shouyou loves dogs to the point where Yuki has become his favorite person even though, a) he’s only known her for less than an hour and the more obvious b) she isn’t even a person. Yuki is Shouyou’s (and my) one true love. Basically, this boy loves his pup a lot and I felt the need to share that with everyone.**

 

Back to the story, Shouyou found his forty minutes of art very relaxing. He was working on a new set of pieces that had really sparked his creativity and he was almost finished with the last one. It was the silhouette of a person’s head with their hair painted in vibrant colors, the one he was working being blue, purple, and pink. 

 

The art gave him time to think as well. He had told Ms. Kuroo, Kuroo and Kenma a lot about his past, more than he would have liked to in all honesty, but he hadn’t died (which is a very low expectation, he knows, but the reality wasn’t very pretty so… let’s look on the positive side here guys.) He was also in a much better place mentally, it wasn’t optimal, he still always had nightmares, panic attacks and flashbacks but he could go to school again and he wasn’t wetting the bed anymore. Which is pretty fucking amazing because  _ holy shit _ did Shouyou work hard to get here.

 

He knew that telling the others would set him back a lot temporarily and that alone is almost enough to just go ‘nope fuck you, fuck this, I’m going to go back into the tragic backstory™ closet and the rest of y’all can kiss my ass.’ Which, mind you, is a very un-Shouyou thing for Shouyou to say but at this point he didn’t really give a shit. 

 

But.

 

That finish line at the end, when he finally beats _him_ , is enough for Sho to really think about it. He’ll need a lot of convincing but Shouyou thinks he may be able to do this. Or at least, he hopes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's shorter than normal, I wanted to get a chapter out to you guys before finals drowned me in an eternal pit of death and flashcards


	5. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Shouyou needs some convincing.

“That it the absolute worst fucking idea I’ve ever heard,” Kuroo Tetsurou laughed, rejecting Shouyou’s latest plan to run away to China to escape Tetsurou’s mother, the seventh one he’s come up with in the last hour.  
   
“Why though? It can’t be that hard,” Sho said as they walked down the sidewalk, pulling Yuki’s head out of some weeds.  
   
“It can,” Kenma said, putting his game in his bag. “First off, you need a passport, which you don’t have and you don’t know anyone who could forge one. Second, even if you tried to go without a passport Japan is an island and you don’t have a boat.” He flicked Sho lightly, who pouted.  
   
“Then what can I do?” He said.  
   
“Here’s a stellar idea,” Tetsurou said sarcastically, turning the corner to their favorite café. “Why don’t you, I don’t know, talk to the team?”  
   
“Bu-” Shouyou tried to cut in.   
   
“Nope, Sho, my mom asked you about this, what, three weeks ago?” Kuroo asked and Sho nodded sheepishly. “And you still haven’t answered her. I haven’t commented on it yet because I wanted to give you space but Imma be honest here, you need to talk to your team. Like, it isn’t really an option anymore, they’re some of the closest people in your life and they don't know anything.”  
   
“I know that but what if-”  
   
“Whatever you’re about to say, it won't happen.” Kenma assured him. “Your teammates care about you and they’d want to know this. They want to help you, I'm sure of it. Besides, wouldn't it be nice not having to call us whenever you have a panic attack at practice?” Shouyou squirmed.  
   
‘I know, I know, I’m just scared,” Sho said quietly, fiddling with Yuki’s leash. “What if this sends me back? I worked so hard to get here, I don’t want all that work to be for nothing.” Kuroo, nodded sympathetically.  
   
“I’m not going to lie to you, it’ll be bad and it probably will feel like you’ve taken ten steps back,” He said, placing his hand on Shouyou’s shoulder. “But sometimes you have to take ten steps back to go twenty steps forwards.” Kenma nodded in agreement.  
   
"Okay, but I want to do it after the training camp, I don’t want to be an anxious mess there,” He relented and the other two smiled. “And I need you guys to be there, we can find a day when I have practice and you guys don’t so you can come down and be there with me… I-I can’t do it alone.” Kenma wrapped his arm around Shouyou’s waist and rest his head on Sho’s shoulder.  
   
“We wouldn’t have it any other way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that I probably won't be able to get another chapter out until mid August so I wanted to give you something before I disappear, even if it is the shortest thing I've ever written


	6. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into Shouyou's family

Hinata Shouyou was grateful for a lot of things, a lot of people had given him a lot of things over the years and he’d always be thankful. But the thing Shouyou was most grateful for was his little sister. 

 

Natsu had kickstarted almost all the good things in his life. She’d driven Sho to really try and get better once he started seeing Ms. Kuroo, she was the one who inspired him to start volleyball again in Miyagi, she was the reason Shouyou tried to get them away from _him_ in the first place.

 

All in all, Natsu probably saved Shouyou’s life more than any doctor had, so saying no to that kid proved to be very difficult. And right now was probably no different.

 

“I’m home!” He called as he opened the door to their small home, where his mother was making dinner in the kitchen. He walked over and kissed her on the cheek.

 

“Hey kiddo, how was your session?” She asked and ruffled his hair.

 

"It was good!” He chirped. “I met up with Kenma and Kuroo afterwards for coffee, training camp is coming up so we wanted to hang out before we’re bombarded with practice.”

 

“Sounds fun bud,” She said. “Dinner will be ready in about half an hour, I suggest telling the little munchkin about camp so she doesn’t get on the bus with you guys.” They chuckled and Shouyou scratched the back of his neck, he’d put off telling Natsu about training camp for a reason.

 

“Okay, I'll be back, wish me luck!” He said and jogged upstairs, his mom chuckling lightly in the background, he dropped his bag on his bed along with his jacket on the floor. He popped across the hall and stuck his head through Natsu’s door, which was decorated in pink stickers with her name written in sparkles.

 

“What’s hot carrot top?” He asked with a grin, causing the little eight year old to jump, dropping her crayon on the ground.

 

“Sho bro!” She yelled and jumped into his arms giggling. “I missed you!”

 

“But I saw you this morning little miss,” He laughed, catching the small child and lifting her onto his hip. “Oof! You’re getting heavy young one, your pickup time is running out.” She shook her head and grabbed onto his shirt, clinging for dear life.

 

“Nope, you’re going to have to pick me up forever!” She declared and Sho raised an eyebrow.

 

“Even when you’re fifty?” He asked and Natsu nodded seriously. He brought them to Natsu’s bed and sat down on the squeaky mattress. “Okay, so, it’s time for some serious talk.” 

 

"Uh huh.” “You know how sometimes my team and I will go away for a couple days to get better at volleyball?”

 

“Yeah…?”

 

“Well, we’re going to do that again, except this time we’re going away for a week.” He mumbled and looked down, he would not be swayed by the puppy eyes.

 

“What!? No! You’re not allowed to do that Sho Bro! I’ll miss you too much!” She cried, tears welling up in her eyes.

 

“I know munchkin, and I’ll miss you too but I have to go, my team needs me.” He told her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

 

“Well tell them to not need you!” She crossed her arms.

 

“You know it doesn’t work like that pumpkin,” He sighed. “But tell you what, I’ll call as much as I can and we’ll ask mom if you can come and say goodbye before I get on the bus. Is that okay?” Natsu hummed, contemplating the offer.

 

“Okaaaay, but you have to play with me everyday until you leave,” She declared and Shouyou laughed.

 

“That’s fine,” He grinned. “Now come on, dinner’s almost ready.”

 

o0o

 

The rest of the week passed quickly and before Shouyou knew it it was the day before training camp. He lay awake in his bed, scrolling through Tumblr before he went to bed. He’d put Natsu to bed a couple hours ago and his mother was at work. Sho’s mother, Hinata Haru, worked the night shift at a local diner after her classes at university. So, in theory, he was the only active person in the house right now.

 

Which is why Shouyou practically jumped out of his skin when his bedroom door creaked open. A mop of orange hair peeped around the door and Shouyou shook his head and smiled.

 

“You scared me there kiddo,” He grinned but a small sniffle wiped the smile of his face. Natsu shuffled in, eyes red, puffy and filled with tears. “Oh honey, what’s wrong?” He scooched over and Natsu jumped into the bed, flinging her arms around his neck.

 

“I h-had a n-nightmare,” She whimpered. “There was a m-monster and it was g-gonna hurt me but then you c-came and then the m-monster hurt you a-and I thought you died!” She cried and Shouyou frowned.

 

“I’m right here muffin, I’m okay,” He whispered. “You’re okay, nothing’s going to hurt you.” He rubbed his hand comfortingly on her back as she cried and hiccupped into his shirt, staining it with tears.

 

“Okay,” She said finally and wiped her eyes. “I’m okay now.”

 

“That’s good, do you want to sleep here for the rest of the night?” He asked and Natsu nodded. “You should talk to Ms. Kuroo about this on Saturday too.” He suggested as Natsu crawled next to him and nodded tiredly as she snuggled against him.

 

Shouyou wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. His heart hurt whenever he was reminded that _he_ had hurt Natsu too, maybe not physically but _he’d_ hurt her nonetheless. He was grateful though, that Natsu didn’t remember _him_ and _he_ was merely the monster that haunted her dreams. But even that upset Shouyou.

 

_He_ was already abusive by the time Natsu was born so Shouyou stepped up as a second parent figure for Natsu. Before they left Shouyou would’ve let _him_ kill him if it meant that Natsu would be safe and those feelings never wavered. Once the three of them moved to Miyagi Natsu provided an anchor for them while Sho and his mom tried to deal with their PTSD. In their mind’s Natsu was the only thing left that _he_ didn’t ruin.

 

So whenever Natsu had a nightmare, or got scared when someone left for a period of time because in her mind people leaving meant people getting hurt, hit Shouyou where it hurt, because it reminded him, yet again, that no matter how hard he had tried he couldn’t protect his little sister.

 

He swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat, closed his eyes and let those unsettling thoughts lull him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, I'm sooo sorry, this was supposed to up like 2 months ago but I guess it never published and I've had really bad writers block for this story and I never checked to see if anything was wrong. Again guys I'm really sorry, I hope some adorable Natsu is enough to make it up to you.

**Author's Note:**

> Heeeey! It's me again, wowie it's been a while since I've started another story. This is my first Haikyuu fanfiction so I hope you like it!


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